The transition period - the most difficult in the education of boys.After all, at this time mom and dad takes a few on the back burner for a child.At the age of fourteen years and older boy seeking knowledge by frequently resorting to the experience of their incompetent peers.It is important not to miss this moment, do not give the child to stumble , make wrong choices in their priorities.How to bring up the boy at this age , they do not lose parental authority , and to help teenager correctly identified ?
To learn how to properly educate a boy under the age of six years , six to thirteen years , read here :"How to bring up a boy? ."How to bring up a boy? .
- Fourteen years and older: becoming a man
Around the age of fourteen starts a new stage of adolescence for the boys .As a rule, the boys at this age greatly stretched in growth, a dramatic change occurs in their bodies : the level of testosterone increases almost 800 % !
Undoubtedly, all individually, but in this age of all the boys have something in common: the boys become more restless, stubborn, they occur mood swings.Not that the boys changed for the worse, not at all, just going on the birth of their new identity, a process that always involves some kind of struggle, it is never easy and smooth.Teen urgent need to find answers to the serious questions do not give him no rest, set new goals in front of you to plunge into a new, unprecedented adventure to determine their own future priorities.And between the internal clock mercilessly hurry them to live, demanding to get everything and now.
It is in adolescence we parents often lose contact with their children.So usual, we do not have time for internal changes in the person of his son, impose a standard set of requirements for the teenager: more diligence in school, more responsibility in communicating more housework.However, the teenager, the boy is now required something more.He no longer considers himself a child, both physically and hormonally he seeks the adult world, while we tried to detain him as long as possible in childhood, slowing down and interfering with its internal needs!Not surprisingly, in the relationship of children and parents have problems.
What really takes to educate a boy at that age - is to lift the spirit of the boy , to provide an opportunity to spread my wings , to direct his unbridled excitement to some creative direction .All the troubles , which face the risk of parents and their offspring ( teenage adventurism , alcohol , crime , drugs ) , are due to the fact that we adults could not find standing channels for unbridled teenage lust splash heroism and glory.
The boys stare into the adult world , but, unfortunately , did not see this , what they really would like to believe , and what would like to participate .They are beginning to realize the ugliness and injustice of life.The boys want to break through to where the better and cleaner , but do not see such a place.
Then there is the rejection of the existing rules and regulations , is born the desire to do things his own way , he awakens a youthful maximalism .And they argue is useless to try to impose their views - is meaningless.If you try to put pressure on the child, you can be faced with insurmountable problems , cause a revolution .The child can finally get out of your control, and you lose contact with him .But what then to do, how to educate adolescent boys ?
- How to raise a son: Wisdom from the past
Problems with teenagers existed in all ages , in all continents .But in ancient times, in any civilization - from African tribes to Inuit teenage boys received special care and attention from their own community.In ancient cultures knew to educate adolescent boys parents can not afford without the participation of other adults who can be trusted with the boy's upbringing , and who have a desire to participate in this process in the long term .
We unfortunately missed this ancient wisdom of a kind, and are only beginning to comprehend it.Meanwhile, the benefits of this approach is obvious.It's no secret that the Fourteen boys and their fathers just to rabies each other's arguments.And do not look for the culprit here - it's just a fact to be reckoned with.Often the father can only love your son.But at the same time to love and to teach - is simply not go.Those men, who in his youth his father taught, for example, to drive a car, understands what is at stake.Two male friends somehow sure to bang their heads, which only exacerbates the problem of understanding.Often the mother at the time this act as a buffer between sons and their fathers, lest the real war broke out.Dad used to, and strongly believes that his opinion is right and its credibility - is undeniable.But the child is not in that age to just accept it as absolute truth, he needed something more.If it comes to help someone else, neutral, and sons and fathers are much calmer and more reasonable.This is, again, just a fact.
Traditionally, the two methods previously practiced how to educate the boy who helped the young man get into independent adulthood.
Method One:teenagers take, so to speak, under the wing and tried to instruct " the right way " foreign adult males tend to craftsmen who could teach the boy some craft.The child was given to a master in the service , and the parents did not have this process is absolutely no impact.The maximum that could offer the parents - it's their moral support and wise counsel .Being banished wizard considered the greatest disgrace .
Method Two:at certain stages of the elders of the tribe or clan performed the sacrament of initiation of young men into some profession.Educating boys passed entirely into the hands of the elders , who were severely tested teenager who had the aim of eventually attach it to adulthood.This approach taught the child self-reliance as well as demonstrating how little he is aware in life, taught to appreciate the wisdom of older generations.
- Benefits of traditions
In sharp contrast to the customs of their ancestors are the modern relationship between parents and children, especially mothers and sons.Often, keeping custody of mothers, sons are shy, indifferent and infantile.This boy's upbringing leads to the fact that the proximity to my mother to keep the children are afraid, and therefore cease to obey it, but at the same time to break away from her custody can not anyway, even becoming men.His subordinate position they are transferred to the relationship in the future with any of the other women.Not passing "initiation into the brotherhood of man," they do not trust men and male friendship do not believe.They do not want to take on any commitments to women, fearing that they will again be controlled, treated and motherly.
Only when young people leave the female world , they will be able to break the mother " umbilical cord " and begin to treat women in an adult .The failures in his personal life , infidelity , domestic cruelty - is not necessarily the result of problems with women , causes just lies in the fact that the boys are not able to go put the path of transformation.
Certainly , it is difficult to give a drop of blood into the wrong hands , can confidently boy's upbringing to another person.But if a man act as mentors , well-known and credible to be afraid really no reason .In ancient times, women understand intuitively felt the need for this assistance .Letting troubled teenage boy from the family , they received back the self-sufficient and mature young man .
Initiation into adulthood is not a one-time event.It can take many months to train the youth to take responsibility, to behave like a man, so that he could gain strength and confidence, he has become a real man.And so it was for our ancestors.Summarizing their experience, we can conclude that the survival of any nation depends on the education of responsible and knowledgeable young people.Then the boy's upbringing was a matter of life and death, no less than it means today.Every society in ancient times to develop their own program of education of young men, which involves pooling the efforts of all adults.It is a pity that the fate of today's youth are concerned mostly just their parents.
- In the modern world
Unfortunately, mentoring today is simply absent or is a rare exception to the rule.And do mentors - teachers, sports coaches, relatives, bosses - very rare indeed understand their own role, aware of its meaning and importance, and performed it, as a rule, very badly.Education boy rushes to chance.The time when mentoring was carried out in the workplace, in the framework of learning and improving skills, in the past.Agree, a young man working at a local supermarket on weekends, is unlikely to meet there a mentor, friend, or even an adult, able to share the experience.
In general, the role of the mentor is to take the godfather of the child, but it is also a rarity today.As a rule, the role of godfather limited gifts on New Year's Eve at a tender age, and a pair of glasses to the health of holiday godson at the birthday party.When it really starts to require assistance and perform the duties of godfather, he retreats somewhere and quietly disappears from view.If your family is not so - you are lucky enough, immediately connect the procession to bring the boy to perform the role of mentor and confidant.
- Calling others to help
Since the age of fourteen and twenty ending with a small boy actively moves from childhood into the adult world, moving away from their parents.At this point, parents must be self-conscious retreat into the background, but without letting out of sight of his son, not losing him a trusting relationship.Right now, he builds his own life, completely separate from the family.Of course, parents may be unprepared for this, but they will have to admit that the child grew up and live with it.The son of a teacher there, whose parents barely know, interests, unknown to them, goals and aspirations, to achieve which the parents are unlikely to help him with something.The picture is frightening.That is why it is necessary to your child at this time was a reliable person.
Teenager in fourteen to sixteen years old is not ready to be an adult world alone .He is needed in this world conductors , and this role is assigned to mentors.We have no right to leave their children unattended, and all the more acute in that age.
Mentor - is much more than a sports coach or a teacher: between him and the boy are added special relationship of trust.Not always sixteen teenager can tell all the parents do not always listen to them - at least from the banal stubbornness.With the mentor are all very different.Adolescence - the "adorable mistakes" that will inevitably make the boys, and the task of a mentor to avoid committing fatal mistakes.Many questions and experiences, which at this time is full head teenager, he can not discuss with their parents.And there is nothing to resent him for it, because it's parents taught him that there is good and what is bad, what a decent and what is not - this is a significant reason to hide them from their doubts and reckless acts.
The only thing that the strength and the parents have to do - is to take care of the selection of a reliable mentor , to do it yourself and not waiting until the boy entrust their fate in the hands of the same nesmyshlenogo teenager or some street swindler .Choose a mentor yourself, guided by strict criteria .Good help occurrence of acts of, say, a family sports club, social organization , or simply the presence of a faithful band of friends.
You really need friends who will play the role of caring uncles , to participate in their upbringing.They can be with your child lead the conversation on various topics , ask about the interests of your son , to exchange views .The ideal would be if your friends sometimes will clear it to your son , and he, in turn, complain to the vest in the moments when the relationship with his parents a few tense .
You , by the way , can also provide similar assistance kiddies your friends.Believe me, teenagers really lovely , they are delicious sides and friends , unless you are your own children !
- Danger seclusion
Seclusion is dangerous in all forms .Teenagers suffer if their parents live separate lives closed .Parents must communicate with people , " go out ."You do not have to be friends, and his own company , and which your children can join .Children need to understand your example how to choose the right friends , the right company to communicate.
Suffering from a lack of communication , children can rejoice any attention to their person, even the most unworthy people .They can get into bad company .So be sure to try to be " on the short leg " with your child's friends , communicate with them , to host .So you can adjust the boy's upbringing and the influence of those around him .
Some teens motivated seclusion , loneliness and inability to form a circle of friends around him begin to suffer mental illness , suicidal , anorexic .And someone on the contrary, there is insulation against violent protests , and then the boys can get into bad company , to join the drugs , crime.
Beforehand make sure that your son did not have problems with entering the big adult world , there was a dramatic and risky moments.To bring up the boy's right can not be in retreat .
- If there is no mentor
Enter adulthood without a reliable shoulder near, the young man can on his way to face many challenges.The boy could get involved in a ruthless and useless struggle with their own parents, wanting to assert themselves and to defend their independence.The teenager can isolate themselves and get depressed.Children at this age have to look for many answers to very complex questions that life puts in front of them - about sex, educational choices and careers, respect to alcohol and drugs.They are very hard, they are never in need and to support the parents and the help of others.
Young people tend to choose the path of life as they can.They can simply get caught up in the Internet, in religion, and can get excited about sports or music, surfing or rock.When adults are not able to divide the range of interests of the child and organize his communication and development in this area, children will create their own groups.In most cases, these "gatherings" are based only on the general recognition of the loneliness and not on shaky relations interests, but absolutely no positive skills and knowledge necessary for life to give the children can not.In the worst case, the children fall under the influence of dangerous people who are using their naivety and inexperience to their advantage.
Worst of all - throw teenager adrift .It can not be done in any case , especially if your contact in this difficult period has been broken , and you lost the trust relationship with his son .That is why just need is a truly professional teachers , sports coaches , leaders of all kinds of youth organizations - adults who are genuinely interested in the younger generation .Our society and our children need people who are able to make to the life of adolescents in order.
Today, the most active in matters of how to raise his son is the mother , paternity is only beginning to recover.And the real problem is mentoring.But if you ask the purpose , to raise her son present a full man , you will be able to overcome these difficulties and to help attract the right people.
- We draw conclusions
First conclusion:In the period from the birth of a boy and six years old, it needs a lot of affection and attention that his son had learned to love .Correctly to bring up the boy should be talking to him , teaching him basic life skills .With this role is best tend to cope mother, a father , too, although not the last , it is also necessary to take part in the upbringing of the boy.
The second conclusion:Around the age of six the boy begins to show a great interest in everything that pertains to men.The father in this period becomes the main parent.Extremely important in order to properly educate the boy how much time and attention will be paid to the father of her son , so that it will teach him by example.The role of the mother is still important , but it needs to give way to the primacy of the pope.
The third conclusion:Fourteen years the boy needed mentors - adults who can help , to teach , to instruct on the right path , which show the personal care of the child , helping to gradually move into the adult world .
Conclusion Four:Single mothers are well able to raise her son , but they need to carefully approach the selection of a man who could be a good model to follow.In addition, single mums need to understand ourselves and instill this idea to his sons - mother should devote more time to their health , because they are the parent work is done for two.
A little more about how to bring up the boy: