Many parents are confident that their child will somehow just perfect .However, the baby as they grow older their own behavior is able to surprise mom is not very nice.Naughty child - not really a tragedy and grief, but only the need for parents and relatives to pay attention to this problem and help the crumbs to understand what is good and bad, what kind of behavior is encouraged , and what - is not permissible .
Why growing a naughty child ?How to behave and what to do if the child does not listen ?What mistakes do parents in the upbringing of the child and how to avoid them ?How to deal with tantrums and disobedience at different ages ?To punish a disobedient child or not?And if you punish , then , how exactly?Answers to these and many other issues , expert advice and explanation of the situation , waiting for you in this article.I really hope that they will be , useful to you , and help resolve the conflict and bring up the child with love and understanding .
• Situation One: At what age can a child begin to show his disobedience ?When can we expect a kind of reference point ?Whether there is disobedience from the year-old kid ?
It is difficult to say when the baby may start to show their "hardness" of character and to demand satisfaction of their desires, showing disobedience.Each has its own individual "point of reference".Kids can roll up hysteria in 2 years, but can in 5 years not to know that there is also a way to get his.It all depends on the environment in which the child lives, from the environment - family, kindergarten kids in the yard.A child can see and begin to imitate the cartoon hero to get noticed, notice peers who throw a fit mother, and he was allowed to do what he wanted.The kid may like it, he will remember, and will try these new techniques to their own parents.In this situation, the main rule - not to indulge the whims of the child.Otherwise, it will go in his habit.
Another caveat - the validity of his claims : if the kid , for example, he wanted to put tights or tie shoelaces , without her mother's help, and you do not give him to do so - he has every right to defend their desire, and you - just wrong.But if tantrum has begun , then he is right or not - will still stand firm , he will have to accept the fact that the cries and tears to achieve anything.And you draw a conclusion on the future and do not provoke more of these situations.
• Situation Two: faced with disobedience and other problems in the behavior of parents can have a 2 - year-old kid.Why naughty kid at this age , why he refuses to respond to parental requests , and what to do if the child does not listen ?
As mentioned in the previous paragraph , parents should not support new initiatives detrimental young person.And , according to experts , this is the age and personality begins to form , and in three years, your baby has a full-fledged "I" , even if not consummated .Therefore, it is important not to miss this crucial moment , or to correct flaws behavior then can be incredibly difficult.
What to do if the child does not listen , hysterics , demanding full and immediate gratification of his desires ?One way to break the impasse - to distract the baby, take away from the problem , something to speak it.The main thing - keep calm , do not get bogged down in the manifestation of his nerves , and not " rush " on him in a panic .Driving your behavior should be something like this : once perpetrate the scandal - stand firmly , do not react , the second time - tears and cries will be much smaller, and the third time and could not be .
You need to understand, and yet something about the children : they are like chameleons, in some ways , different teachers are the same kids behave quite differently.You may have noticed it in the family - a child does not listen to my mother , and navel - unquestioningly .Therefore, it is concluded and apply for the benefit .
• Situation Three: The most critical situation occurs in about 2-4 years .The child does not listen , tantrums may become frequent, even regular.What if a child does not obey the ages of 2-4 years how to proceed ?
At this age a child begins to check , as they say , parents " strength ", " feel out " beyond the limits .Therefore, the described situation is quite natural.Resistance , and it alone - the savior of your and your child , and of course , "bag" patience.It you need a mass.To miss this period in education , it means to doom oneself to big problems in the future with the character , obedience , and family relationships in general .
Therefore , re -read the recommendations that were given to you in the preceding paragraphs , and act .Nothing new here not advise .Besides the fact that your baby is intelligent enough to talk on the subject of behavior and, therefore, heart to heart conversation may provide an invaluable service .Talk with your child , become the authority for it , and not just a parent.
• Situation Four: For 6-7 years baby is growing up , and at this age should be well enough to understand what is good and what is bad , how to behave and how not.However, many parents and teachers are first-graders somehow face the problem of so-called difficult children.Often , it is not even just a naughty child and disobeyed " evil " intentionally.What can you recommend for this age ?
First of all, children at this age is really "big", in the sense of understanding of many, including responsibility for their own behavior.So why do they behave inappropriately?In fact, everything is simple - in children as a kind of crisis of age, but this time not three and seven years.Again they are in a situation that requires rethinking, revising "outlook on life."Judge for yourself: in the kindergarten child set an example, said that he was big, and once in the school - for some reason was again a little ?!The child who went to school from home, and not from the kindergarten at all difficult: a new lifestyle, schedule, discipline, strangers, demanding obedience, and despite the fact that my mother always taught, do not talk to strangers, but heresuch ...
The most optimal parental tactics for this age of the child - it is praise .Praise your crumbs for any trifle, for everything is done correctly .Imagine it is constantly abused, especially recently , and here praise - believe me, for him it will act with a capital letter .Your child will try my best , just for the sake of one single word - well done !
• Situation Five: Naughty child knows the reaction to his misdeeds all , without exception , members of the family .Often, you can watch the picture, for example, when Pope scolds the child and the grandmother or mother protects it punishes and Pope cancels punishment , believing that nothing bad happened.How to build education in the family , make a unanimous resolution of conflicts , to ensure proper participation of all families in the education of their children?
Unfortunately, described the situation happens very often .And the first thing that must be understood by all family members - is that your child successfully uses the differences in their interests.To admit this can not be , otherwise it will cease to consider you credible .The kid quickly understand who and what the situation is , what to do and will just manipulate all of you .Children in these families grow up , to say the least spoiled and sometimes do unmanageable.
Be sure to collect the family council where the child is not at home, and calm Speak the situation.Explain to each other, come to a consensus, to the uniform requirements to the child in the family - remember that it is necessary to your child, it's in his best interest.You need to understand that the issue of raising a child are no trifles.Kindergarten or elementary school, negotiate the same for themselves any detail, starting from where the children dress, how to put the lesson table and chairs, a sink in the boys wash their hands, and some girls, and other seemingly irrelevant to the question of education.But it is necessary to ensure that kids are not subsequently said that Maria Ivanovna we sit wrong or Natalya Petrovna, we are not.No need to give children a reason to doubt the correctness of our demands, because it all starts with small things.To start a child simply does not understand why one says, do so, and the other - the commercials.There are questions, then protested, and after a banal manipulation and failure to obey at the first shaky situation.
Be sure to pay attention to children's cunning and manipulation by adults.For example, when the child tries to take time off for a walk a mother and gets an answer like: "Please do the lessons and then go for a walk" should go to his father with the same request and received permission.Today, using Dad's hasty resolution, it shows disobedience and disrespect for the opinion of my mother, tomorrow will do the same in regard to the pope, and the day after - generally will not ask my parents.Prevent such manipulation, and provocation of conflict in the family.Agreed among themselves that any request both of you first interested in the opinion of the other parent, you can just ask the child: "What Dad (/ mother) said (/ a)?", And then give an answer.If there are differences of opinion, discuss them with each other, but not necessarily so that the child did not hear.In general, try not to find out the relationship with the child, no matter what the issue did not concern your dispute.
• The situation is the sixth : "Mom buy chocolate , buy a toy mom , mother buy ... " - a picture familiar to many mums !But do constantly buying is simply impossible, and the kid just does not respond to the word " buy later" and falls to the floor at the store shelf .What to do if the child does not listen , what to do in such a situation ?
Nothing can be done, children are always something so want.They want the same rabbit as Masha, or the same machine as Igor - this is normal.Agree and we are with you, not all and not always agree to understand that buying a new bag should not be, because at home in the closet for 33 bags, and in a normal state.What do you want from a child ?!So he fell to the floor, crying and screaming, rolling on the shop - it is quite a common situation, a natural, I'd say.And if you buy everything that a child will ask now - tomorrow he will do the same thing again and get what they want.Why not?One once did it!
Before going to the store a joint Be sure to talk with your child about how you will be able to buy him something or not , explain why - do not lisp , speak as an adult : " There's no money , they still need to earn .And you have to buy a toy for this month "- and so on, calmly and confidently .If , in spite of the conversation , he is still in the store started a tantrum , take and calmly, without yelling and spanking , bring home.On passersby ignore , believe me, they see quite often like you they are no surprise .
• Situation Seven: The child does not listen , does not respond to the entreaties , arguments, and arguments not accept .Why is this happening , what mistakes allow parents in the upbringing ?
There are three most important, most common, the most pernicious error of parents:
First- Is to go with your child on a leash .Yes, of course , every child - a personality , but you need to understand the scope of what is permitted , it is necessary to account for where it leads afterwards.
The second error- Discussion at all children, in particular, and of his behavior .If you negotiate , so there are differences - the child of them should not even suspect !
The third mistake- Yelling at the child.The first - it's silly , is not nice , bad example to follow , and secondly - it will not help !!!
Disobedience and punishment
In matters of punishment for misbehavior , especially need to remember two important rules:
- 1. It is necessary to think what you are doing , why arrives , anyway, and in this case, think of the child .He should feel indestructible walls, logical action and effect.We can not allow a double interpretation of your actions , your decisions change depending on the mood ( for example, today you have a good mood and you do not pay attention to the baby's misconduct , and tomorrow - was punished for this same offense ) .
- 2. In serious moments of your crumb should be clearly understood that to be the case , the parents were told (preferably a calm tone ) .
If the child does not listen to the punishment for it should be natural .That is what is important to teach the crumbs - understanding of the natural and inevitable punishment .Life itself shows examples of this .Having gone through a red light , you can get into an accident .Not wearing a hat , you can catch a cold .Indulging in a cup of tea , you can throw the hot and so on.
What to do if the child does not listen?Let's look at the situation as an example with a cup of juice.First, tell your child that may follow disobedience mischievous child or a mischievous child.This should be done calmly and convincingly argued.Long sentences when it is desirable not to build.No need to say something like: "If you do not stop to carry the cup on the table, representing the machine, it is very possible, even likely, the cup will fall and shatter on the floor, and you yourself while oboleshsya or even hurt yourself.You will hurt, you will be wet and dirty, and I have to then pick up the pieces on the floor, wash your new pants and heal your wounds! ".Do not talk this way with your child!This applies in particular to the boy's parents.Brain boys arranged somewhat differently than the brains of girls, he simply could literally shut down in the second second of this monologue.The girls can be long to explain, but to get involved, too, not worth it.
Of course, it says not that the kid did unconsciously .For example, you gave him too much for a cup , the child simply could not keep her .It's about the actions that the child is doing consciously.
In no case should not pull the cup from the hands of mischievous child with a shout: "Stop!You oboleshsya! ".During the meal, there is no principle of non-violence!This can lead to the fact that the baby will stop getting pleasure from food, which can lead to health.Let obolet if the child does not listen and goes then to wet and dirty.And we should not immediately rush to wipe all of them, drag it to change into dry, lamenting, "I told you!".React calmly sit down to the level of the child, look straight in the eye, and say: "You can not play the sap!I'm busy right now, so you take a rag and all for a vytresh.You poured - and you'll clean up. "Say it in a tone that brooked no objection, but quietly, without raising his voice.It is important indeed for the move to the side and something to do, to show credibility, wait, that he withdrew.Even if the child begins to be stubborn and does not want to clean up, it is important to insist, but do not do it for his own.
In some cases, even a child can not be punished:
- 1. During the meal;
- 2. If the child is sick;
- 3. Immediately after waking up and before going to bed;
- 4. When the baby is very keen on self-play;
- 5. If the kid really wanted to please you or help, but something messed up by accident.
- 6. Strongly should punish the child in front of others.
The child is already one and a half years is beginning to understand things, objects and their value based on the action with them.Adults ask themselves the value of objects .That is why it is important to share a table for feeding and for table games .Remember that children - the Conservatives , and if the baby entrenched in the consciousness that he is playing at this table , why when it is eating, he can not play with her , too ?
So, first of all, think, dear parents, and then do it!Be sure to explain to his family, the reasons for their actions and decisions.It is important that your rules, your rules of conduct have been adopted the child as his own.For this to happen, you yourself must first have a fairly clear idea about those rules and follow them ourselves.Remarkably, if the parents in this regard the general opinion was formed before the birth of the baby.But, unfortunately, it is not always, and the reason for this is often a banal emotional.
That way we will become in the future to communicate with their own children , is laid in us even our parents , even in our childhood .If some moments we were not consonant with our parents , then we decide to act differently with their children.But with the advent of the child often act differently , we notice for a non-constructive behavior, which " comes out of us," gradually, automatically , unconsciously, on emotions.
The most important thing to think suddenly in time, do not hesitate to ask the child's forgiveness, if realized, that behaved like something is wrong.The child understands us much more than we think.Correct the situation, because you will achieve several positive points in his future conduct.First, your child will not be offended by you, and good relations - the main condition for a successful education.Second, your child will act more colorful and memorable of any arguments, your apology will have a much greater effect than repeated attempts to explain how you can do as well as it is impossible.Third, he will understand that when wrong, you admit mistakes and apologize.
Needless punishment for the child should be restricted , the deprivation of the enjoyment of value to the child.
Be logical, consistent in their behavior when punishing a child, it should not change depending on your mood.The child should be clearly understood if he commits the offense - will be punished.Today, if you lowered him from the hands of the wrong behavior, because you have a good mood, and you do not want to spoil it, be prepared for the fact that tomorrow he will make it again.But if this time you punish him, he either did not understand what happened, why you do it, or do the wrong conclusions.That is why children are often not recognized in his actions, waiting for an opportunity when you're in a good mood, to avoid punishment.It is not necessary to teach children to lie to you.
Besides the penalty for a misdemeanor child must be done on a " here and now " , the punishment should not be moved for later.The notion of time in children is not quite such as we , the adults, so the child is unlikely to be able to relate the punishment with his act , very surprised , not understanding why he was punished , nursed a grudge .
If any situation, you have to tell your child "no" - no compromises , to respond to the entreaties , to negotiate with the child , to reverse its decision .So we just raise our manipulators.So again - think before making a decision , so that later on told to spare and do not change their decisions on the go.Children soon realize that you can negotiate with you , and then you and do not notice how your child will begin to establish a framework of behavior , not you .
If you had the temerity to promise the child , for example, any gift, do not punish him, delaying the implementation of its promises.First, by doing so , you demonstrate a certain celestial : I want to - the treasury, want - sweet .The child is able to fully appreciate the benefits of such a role and very soon to try it for yourself, do to you as well - promising and refusing to perform.Secondly, you simply lose the trust of the child , and hence a common language.
If a child in the school received a bad mark , scold him and beat him, especially since - quite constructively.So you only teach him to cheat and dodge .The best option would be to try to find out why the child was two, and with him to find out the right way out of the situation .First of all you yourself need to understand what the child is learning for themselves , not for you.This must be him, not mom and dad , grandma or grandpa .It is important to understand that this child .
You can not be a permanent external control - it is harmful to the child.So you grow dependent and irresponsible , dependent personality, are easily the opinions of others , not able to take any major decisions ( among drug users , most such people , who can be easily influenced by someone else ) .
Remember that it is impossible for the child to live , he must live his life .Our task - to direct it in the right direction to convey the core values , and do not forget to leave time aside and learn to live without us .
Always try to be fair and wise , and then love and respect will reign in your family and kids will genuinely believe that they are incredibly lucky with my parents !
A little more about what to do if the child does not listen: