The crisis of three years - the period of the formation of personality
By three years of a child more or less adapted to life in the family, and the family has time to fully adapt to it.He did not wake the whole house at night, in compliance with the more or less measured daily routine, every day is growing rapidly, pleasing surrounding their discoveries ... and suddenly turns into a monster home - a crisis of three years.
Well, maybe not quite a monster, but he suddenly begins to rebel, it can not be in something persuade, and it is extremely difficult to reach an agreement.In the majority of requests and suggestions of senior, he gives a negative answer.If you are on something you insist the child irritable, crying and starts all possible ways to resist your will.He does not want to go for a walk, she refuses to sit at the table, to change clothes, bathe;it becomes unmanageable, stubborn and aggressive.Parents just have to call for help all his patience, and try hard not to lose his temper.All these signs indicate that the child crisis began three years - well-known, but no less complex phenomenon.
It's not that, as some parents, the child becomes the "bad", or the nature of the spoils.Simply, he begins to realize that he - is he an individual, not a mother, father or grandmother.Yes, he understands this is not at once - in the first years of his life he was very closely associated with the parents or guardians;not in vain close (especially - mothers), speaking about the child often used the word "we" instead of "I'm a child."Only three years the child begins to think of himself in the first person ("I am!").He understands that he has his own will and desire, which may not coincide with the will of adults.This discovery is so important that it changes the child's attitude toward the world as he simply can not change their behavior.That is why he has a strong need to organize your life the way he wants, without being subject to anyone.
Since three years, the child usually does not understand exactly what he wants from life and how to better organize (not surprising, because often they do not know even adults), he chooses the only method available to him to exercise his will - to reject allThey offer adults.This is the source of the problem: the child simply does not understand the difference between "I", "I want" and "I need", and even more so can not yet be aware that his personal freedom is limited by the freedom of others.To help small rebel figure it all out - not an easy and important task for parents.
main signs of the crisis three years
- Denial.Almost any request and offer the child refuses.
- stubbornness.A child may do something not because it wants to, but just to show - he can do as it sees fit.For example, it may require parents to buy exactly the toy that he already has, turn off the TV, when they watch the news, and so on.
- demonstrative behavior.You ask a child to hold fast to the mug to keep spilled milk, and he throws it on purpose.Likewise, it can defiantly throw toys away to get away from you in the street, although you it is forbidden, and the like.
- protest.Child violent protests in almost any situation - for example, in the store when you choose him clothes, in a cafe, at a party.As a rule, children who are experiencing a crisis of three years, did not hesitate to strangers and do what they want, no matter where they are.
- depreciation.It seems that everything that ever was expensive for a child devalued: he can hit his mother, once a favorite toy to throw in the trash, give up your favorite treats.
- oppressive.One of the main goals of the child becomes the subordination of the surrounding adults.He does not ask, and requires very rapidly reacts to failure to comply.
Guidelines for parents during the crisis three years
Under no circumstances do not scold the child when he does not fulfill what you say to him;It is especially important not to give him such characteristics as "bad", "capricious", "evil", and so on.Because of these words in his address child may permanently lose faith in yourself and in the future has a chance to become a regular customer of the psychoanalyst.
Explain to him that you understand the motives of his conduct;for example, say, "I see you do not agree with a proposal to mom."Then, quietly, without raising his voice, tell your child that, despite its opposition, he has no right to be rude to other people and to do what parents say, because to a certain age, they are responsible for it, and he still can not makethat provide themselves with everything you need yourself.
as often as possible gives a child the opportunity to choose, for example, that he wants for breakfast - scrambled eggs or cereal, when and where he wants to go for a walk, and so on.Give him the opportunity to make their own what he can already do - to dress, comb and so on.No matter what will be faster if you did - but there was a child some freedom to weaken his desire to rebel.The reward for your efforts is that the child will grow harmonious, independent and happy person.When he had to learn how to apply their will, the problems with the child will be a little less.If at that time did not give him an opportunity to prove himself as an independent, free personality, may eventually be a variety of psychological problems, to solve which it is very difficult.