A spoiled child - when love can hurt
Probably every parent at least once in his life heard the word in his address: "You izbaluete your child!" But who is - a spoiled child, and how do you know that if your offspring as such?
How to understand that the child is spoiled
following symptoms often point to the fact that parents are too spoiled child:
- part of non-food
not spoiled child refuses to eat at all - he just does not want tois what he prepared.It often happens that parents set the table, the child sits down and looks at the plate, and requires something else.If this happens a couple of times a year - that's okay, but if the child food intolerance Food intolerance - why is it there? , it goes without saying that he needed a special meal.However, if a child almost every day refuses to eat what was prepared for the whole family, it's a sign of spoiled.The answer to the request (or rather, the requirement) of the child to give him French fries, pizza or something else that is not in today's menu should be simple: "do not want to eat what is on the plate - do not eat at all."If a five year old will miss dinner, nothing terrible will happen, but for dinner it will be less fastidious in food.If the child is older, you can invite him to prepare what he wants to eat.At the same time most of the work he must do himself, and prepare not only themselves, but also on the rest of the home.
general, occasional tantrums in children aged up to four years are normal.At this age, young children begin to define themselves, and do it often, in response to the failure of certain requirements of the parents (for example, they do not want to eat, dress, go for a walk, and so on).When parents insist failure turns into a tantrum.However, if a child of six beats in hysterics because he did not buy the coveted toy, it is a sign of spoiled and obvious attempt to manipulate their parents.Most experts recommend to ignore the tantrums, as difficult as it may seem - when the child realizes that the manipulation did not work out, he'll find a way to more easily talk about their desires.
- extreme dependence on parents
spoiled children can not sleep if their parents are not around, would not want to stay home with a babysitter or grandmother, fighting in hysterics when you have to go to kindergarten or to school, or when the mother leaves the house for a couple of hours.Until about four years, that's fine, but at an older age, the child must learn to safely manage for a while without parents.It's sad, but guilty of such a relationship is usually the parents of children.We need to overcome dependency, despite the tantrums and tears, otherwise it will have serious consequences for the future of human life.
How to deal with spoiled
- Set clear rules for security
example - "never touch a hot stove," or "never cross a road at a red light."Do not give your child a reason to think that sometimes the rules can be broken - for example, do not run across the street at a red light with it, even if you see that the cars are not near.Violation of the rules will your child have the impression that in certain circumstances it is possible to circumvent any rules.
- Set clear rules for social interaction
Teach him to thank people for services, politely ask when he needs something, do not swear, do not insult other people, and themselves follow the same rules that you set.
- frankly with their children about their behavior
Children of school (or even pre-school age) it is able to analyze their behavior, so they can and need to talk.To talk did not seem like an interrogation, instead of questions like, "Why are you doing this" use phrases such as "I always think, why are you doing this ...."Taking a break, and let your child finish the sentence for you.Let him know that you will not scold him for being frank, no matter what he will tell you;instead - Discuss heard.So you can learn a lot not only about the child, but also about themselves and their parenting practices.
- Keep calm
This is the only way to control the situation;do not allow yourself to raise your voice and, especially, raise your hand.
- Be consistent
always keep my promises.If you told your child that will leave him without supper if he will not eat what is cooked - to do so.If you repeat the twentieth time, "Well, all this time, for sure stay hungry", the child is simply ignoring your words, because remember that the last time the threats were empty.
Bad advice: The best way to pamper your child
- Make child center of the universe
If the child wishes for you in any situation is a priority, do not be surprised when you discover that he is hopelessly spoiled.Parents, ready on demand to perform the whim of a child, do not let him learn to reckon with the wishes and needs of others.Children need to understand that they can not just take, you also need to give - is one of the most important skills for life.
- Ignore the good behavior of the child
If you do not praise the child when he does something good, it would be difficult to understand how the behavior you like.If, moreover, you pay attention to the child, but when he cries, he does not need much time to understand - the tears and tantrums are a way to manipulate their parents.
- not establish clear prohibitions and restrictions
person becomes a part of human society in the process of education.If you have a child does not establish clear rules of behavior for the child, it will behave as it comes to mind, and this is in no way to blame.
- set an example
If you are behaving like a spoiled child, what to expect from young children?Do not complain and do not feel sorry for yourself (at least in the presence of children) and do not try to manipulate your husband or partner - children surprisingly quickly adopt habits of adults.