Mother or Martyr: tips for too active and too caring parents
- Mother or Martyr: tips for too active and too caring parents
- Why sacrifice in vain
- how to stop
Driven by exceptionally well-meaning parents may turn tomartyrs for the sake of your child, not even realizing it.Is this right and what could be the consequences?
Christina constantly tired and sad, because I have to demonstrate the wonders of endurance, combining school, taking care of the family and all the rest.Her own life had stopped when the light appeared her son Sasha.The boy discovered an innate learning disabilities and behavioral disorders, and to fifteen years, he has become accustomed to the fact that he has little need.He does not need too much to try to get what you want.
His mother fared very differently.She worked tirelessly to her precious son did not have to string up once again, that it in no way had plenty.Christine helped his son get out of bed in the morning, doing homework instead, apologizing when he behaved badly at school, and served him a large part of what normal teenagers already know how to do on their own.It is not surprising that Christina exhausted and concerned (quite naturally, I must say) the future son - after Sasha expelled from school, he often found himself in the police and embarked on a very dangerous path.
What can you say in this situation: to be a martyr and to sacrifice everything for the sake of the child - not to be good or bad parent.This strategy is ineffective parenting just as prevents the child to master the skills relevant to each stage of development.If you're a mom-Martyr (fathers martyrs - a rarity) and do everything for the child, try to get out of this role and to teach children to take responsibility.
parents of martyrs, or simply caring parents?
Parents martyrs - this is not the parents who simply do a lot for your child or with your child.Mom, who drove the son to the football, and then picks up her daughter from school - not a martyr.The father, who, instead of playing golf, going with his son to a baseball game and after the game treats its pizza - not a martyr.The term "martyr" refers to the type of education, which has a number of specific characteristics.
parents of martyrs - who are they?
Parents martyrs two main fear: that the child feels unable to do something and take a passive stance, or that the child will use to manipulate their behavior around.Parents martyrs are very worried that the child may feel physical or emotional discomfort in everyday life, so strongly protected him from the worries.It is the parents who are constantly worried that the baby will not self-assured, confident, and cultivating self-esteem of the child, they prevent the formation of his skills to overcome obstacles and solve complex problems.
How are the skills to overcome obstacles?Any obstacles harden the character, but it is not about the artificial obstacles created and controlled by their parents, but the really difficult situations: when a child can not go to your favorite sports or just to play football with my friends, because he has a lot of homework whenhe, instead of doing housework, busy playing video games, or violated the rules of the school or at home, and now has to prepare for the unpleasant consequences of their disobedience.
When a child is upset because of what you need to do too many lessons, and so you have to sacrifice a favorite pastime, the task of parents - to help him learn to plan lessons and manage time, so he did not depart from classmates (provided that they arethe same capacity).If a child violates the rules of the school, the task of parents - to help him learn from his mistakes, and does not relieve him from responsibility and the need to pay the bills.
For example, when a parent martyr believes that the child is upset because of the large amount of homework, it will interfere with the school to ask less and less upset child.Or just doing lessons instead of the child.Of course, in some cases, teachers ask too much, and in the aggregate amount of homework to get really "unsupportable".
Yes, the modern children to school placing too high demands, but also in the life requirements are very high, so that children are competing not only with their peers, but also with the world.Parent-martyr feels it, but trying to solve this problem completely ineffective way - protecting it from the world and the difficulties of life in the twenty-first century.
Similarly, when the parents of a child misbehaves, they are trying to change the world of the child in the hope that the absence of stress factors will help to ensure the normal behavior of children.But remember, even if the child is well behaved and does not give parents any problems, it does not mean that he is ready to difficulties in adulthood.