" I am a victim , so the rules do not apply to me " or to wean the child from thinking of victim
- «I am the victim, so the rules do not apply to me" or to wean the child from thinking of victim
- Cultivate responsibility
Search excuses desire to shift the blame for theirother offenses and to find an explanation for the unacceptable behavior - all signs of victim thinking.In today's society, and children and adults have learned to skillfully use these strategies to explain their actions.
When the teenager does not want to take responsibility, it is likely that he will try to present itself as a victim.When your child says, "You do not understand me!", He portrays the victim, because he really wants to say: "I - a victim of a misunderstanding."When a child says, "The teacher does not like me and underestimates.So I did not do your homework, "he demonstrates victimization thinking, because accuses the teacher that did not fulfill his task.And when you hear: "I hit my sister, because she showed me the language," it is also a manifestation of victim thinking, because the child is looking for an excuse a violation of the rules of conduct established in your family.
That's where the danger lies: the basis of victim thinking is the belief that if you are a victim, then the rules do not apply to you.In other words, if you are a victim, you are not responsible for the consequences of your actions.Therefore, if you are not responsible, then you will not have to change anything, because the blame for others.
In modern society, it is assumed that if you had a difficult childhood, and you are a victim of bad parenting, you can not take full responsibility for their misdeeds.Nonsense.Such thinking led to the formation of the type of society that we see today, the consumer society in which no one takes responsibility for anything, and in which everyone is a victim of circumstance or injustice.
Where did this thinking?Look around.Look at the heads of states, ministers, prominent officials, look at politicians.They are never to blame for what is happening in the country, they are always the victims of something or someone.The sad truth is that the victimization thinking permeates our society at all levels.
victimization thinking and teens, "You just do not understand me!»
reason that teens often tempted of victim thinking - so they tend to distance themselves from their parents and establish their identity.They see their parents and guardians are not defenders of their interests, and the power encroaching on their independence, and consider themselves to be the victim of their parents.They feel a victim of the rules of domestic restrictions imposed by society, the boundaries and expectations of parents hostage.
If you look at what is happening through the eyes of a child, adolescence is probably the most controversial age in human life.Teenagers experience strong emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code , not to mention the hormonal, physical and sexual changes.Every year on their shoulders rests the greater responsibility, which often makes them open protest and rejection.Do not forget that the sixteen-year child who can now spend money to drive a car, have sex, alcohol and drugs, four years ago, I was twelve years old.
As parents, you have to remember how quickly everything happens at this age, and how quickly children grow.This does not mean that the child should not be held accountable for their actions, not at all.Just parents should be aware of the natural tendency of adolescents to resort to victimization thinking, and should be able to resist these attempts to manipulate.
Many children feel very comfortable in the role of victim.When you refuse to see the child victim, it can not simply be offended by you.Be prepared for the fact that such an attitude will cause a child's sharp rejection and protest.He can say, "You just do not understand me," when you do not respond the way he wanted.Although in most cases the parents react exactly as the child expects.A very common mistake parents - to cultivate in children victimization mindset and try to fix things for them.But experience shows that this educational strategy creates a very difficult situation for the whole family.
When a child says, "You do not understand me," he challenges you.Do not fall for this provocation and did not join him in the fight.You need to say, 'Maybe I do not understand you.But I know this: you have to do homework, and while you do not prepare for lessons on the game console (or PC) you can forget. "
You can also say, "Maybe I do not understand, but it is important that you understand what I expect from you."Do not argue with your child, do not be distracted by the showdown, someone who knows and who he loves.Be firm and do not allow themselves to be drawn into the scandal.
Why be a victim - a mistake
victimization thinking - this is one of the so-called "thinking errors".Yes, in thought, too, may be mistakes in spelling.You can write a word or solve a math problem in a certain way and get the wrong answer, but be sure that everything is correct.
Similarly, people make mistakes thinking and getting the wrong answer to life's questions.The sad thing is that they believe that everyone is doing well and can not see his mistake.Common mistakes of thinking peculiar to teenagers: dishonesty, justify their actions, the desire to shift blame and responsibility onto others, and presenting themselves as victims.
So many teenagers use victimization thinking, because it combines a host of thinking errors and avoids responsibility for what they did or what they do not want to do.
Teens mostly believe in what they say;it's not a conscious manipulation.When your child shows a victim, is looking for an excuse or blame, he had no doubt that the rights that all it is really.
This does not mean that on this basis, the child should be rid of the responsibility for his actions.No child should see that his behavior will have consequences.If you allow the child to use the error of thinking in order to avoid responsibility, it is not no good end.The child gets used to see themselves as victims and will not be ready for adult life, and make informed decisions.