Psychological games - the ruthless and merciless
approach in psychology, proposed to consider the interaction between people as psychological games, he began to develop in the 1960s.He became especially popular after the book was published under the name Eric Berne "Games People Play".
There are many kinds of psychological games.Some of them are harmless, such as a game greeting ("Hi, how are you?" "Well, and you?" - A typical response to a standard question, which does not affect the way in fact things are going to ask the responsible).There are less harmless games are not designed (unlike the Beck) in order to make interaction easier and more enjoyable.These games do not allow relations to develop and go to the next level - a deeper and more meaningful.There are really destructive games that people can play for power to manipulate others, and so on.They may look harmless and spontaneous communication, but in fact they have a specific goal pursued by at least one participant in the game.
psychological manipulation in the course of the game can be conscious and unconscious.So, someone specially manipulated by others, and some do not even realize that a manipulator - most often happens with children, but adult too, can act on the basis of their own desires, and not thinking about how ithis words and actions can affect others.
Here are some of the most common games adults:
- angle.During this game manipulator puts the other person in a situation in which everything he does, it would be wrong.In other words, a man driven into a corner, and as he tried to get out, again and again cut a way out.For example: the husband persuades his wife to arrange a house party for his colleagues, citing the fact that all the women are doing.She agrees, the party took place, and my wife almost got out of the corner (where she stood with the stigma of speaking that it is worse than the other wives), but then her husband drives her back saying: "You served the wrong food - do not you know thatmy boss vegetarian? "or" Why did not you use paper plates?Nobody uses a barbecue porcelain "- and so on.Another example: the mother blames teen that his room is always messy, and when he finishes cleaning asks, "And why do you cleaned so long?".There are plenty of possibilities to keep a person in the "corner", fueling his guilt, and increasingly reducing their self-esteem.It is not difficult to guess that this may lead to severe psychological consequences.
- tell me about their problems.That proposal initiator games makes the other person to admit their weaknesses.External motivation is the desire to help, but the initiator will use the recognition in their own purposes.Example: the husband tells his wife about the situation at work, which had good consequences for him, but did not end too well for his colleagues, but guilt husband it was not.The wife of the various hints and issues makes her husband to admit that he unkindly refers to this colleague.Later, she could tell other people modified the story that her husband had deliberately arranged the problem colleague, adding that he is quite a jealous and angry man, and making it clear that without her influence it could have been worse.In this example, the wife uses the game only in order to influence the way she looks in the eyes of others (almost heroic woman, able to keep control of a potential aggressor), but, of course, from other people's confessions can be removed and material benefit.(We must remember that not all people who offer you to share their problems, plotting insidious psychological games).
- do it for me.Man wants to get something or to do, but seeks to ensure that this desire has carried out for the other person.For example, if the wife nedoelo weekly dinner with parents of her husband, she can tell him about it directly.However, if she decides to play a game of "do it for me," she would say something like, "Honey, maybe you should not go now to your parents?You do still need to write a report, and if you go for dinner - will not have time to sleep. "Her husband agrees, deciding that he did not want to go to her parents, but actually performs the desire of his wife.Another common version of this game: the parents attempt to get kids to realize their unfulfilled dreams.They can enthusiastically tell the children how wonderful it is - to play football, to play music or to paint - ensuring that children believe that they want just that.
- It's your decision.Play with a common name used to absolve themselves of responsibility for certain decisions.One partner says to another: "Whatever you decided, I want this" or "Do you understand this better than me, and you decide".In fact people play the game, is very concerned about the consequences of the decision, but he does not want to answer for them.Parents often play a game on the shoulders of shifting partner's decisions regarding children.If all goes well, no one will tell, but if something goes wrong, you can always blame the spouse who made the decision.
- Court goes.The game is usually played by the spouse in the presence of a third party.Typically, one spouse blames the other and the other is protected, but they can exchange and mutual accusations.Communication during this game aims to "judge" and not at each other, and spouses are more interested in the fact that he lived up to one of them than to find a solution.
- victim.The initiator of this game portrays the victim, strongly implying that he had been ill treated, or - that he has invested in a relationship much more than his partner."I gave you the best years of my life" - the classic phrase of a woman who plays the victim.However, this can be done not only by women.A man can ever complain about his wife and other family members how much he has to work, and he gets tired, and it was emphasized that it provides the entire family (even if it does not work one), and it is home to just relax,and in general it should be protected.The purpose of the "victim" - cause similar feelings of guilt, through which they will be easier to manipulate.