How to talk about the relationship: five steps to the frankness
In any relationship inevitably comes a time when one of the parties wants to discuss their further development.For example, you are ready to move on and go to the next level of relations ... or just move on.In any case, to start a serious discussion about the relationship is never easy, no matter on what outcome you expect.
Psychologists explain the fear of this kind of talk that is connected with them too much uncertainty, and the outcome is unpredictable.This is especially true pairs, unmarried, who are still at the stage of a romantic relationship, and had never before spoken on this topic.Fear, anxiety, fear of rejection, or, conversely, cause too emotional response - all good reasons to postpone this difficult, but such an important conversation to better times.
find the right words to start talking
Certainly not a universal phrase which, as a magic wand, will help everyone.But to start a conversation with the sinister "We need to talk" is not worth it.Moreover, it is a very big mistake, because thus you originally call the interlocutor prejudice, and he does not expect to communicate with you any good.Psychologists are advised not to panic, but to approach the conversation as any other communication on the topic of conflict.For example, you can apply to partner with the phrase "I would like (a) to discuss with you something."It sounds sinister, and does not cause a negative attitude.
Do not expect much
matter who started this conversation - you or your partner - do not expect too much of him and give free rein to imagination.Experts advise not to dwell on his own emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code , expectations, needs, and fears, and to think about what you and your girl or guy character and temperament is different, and therefore this complextopic and the conversation you too will treat differently.Do not try to predict the reaction partner and in any case do not count on it - if your expectations are not met, you can behave inappropriately.Honestly and frankly, what you want (or do not want), stipulate your needs and desires.And get ready to hear the needs and desires of your interlocutor.
frank (but politely) declared their needs and desires
Do not hesitate to admit to their own desires, thoughts, expectationswithout trying to adapt to the partner and his needs and expectations.You should not give up on themselves for the sake of the other and agree in everything with a partner, taking his point of view.In any relationship, the main thing - be yourself, and if your spouse is also interested in the relationship, as you do, she will be glad to know about your fears or expectations, because frankness - this is a demonstration of confidence.Silence of feelings and issues is fraught with serious complications - your discontent, sooner or later will have an effect, and it can happen completely out of control.Psychologists are also advised to often use the pronoun "I" instead of "you", that is to say first and foremost about themselves, not about the partner.For example, do not say "you give me a little attention."It is better to say "I do not like that you give me a little attention."In this case, the source rather listen to your words, but do not close the protective armor, accepting it as an accusation.
Listen more, talk less
No wonder Mother Nature gave us two ears and one mouth - perhaps they should be used in compliance with this natural proportions?Listen more and speak less, and then the interviewee will understand that you respect him and you really wonder his opinion.
Avoid vagueness and ambiguity;do not hesitate to clarify the unclear point
Always remember that the interviewee can understand your words differently than you would like.Therefore, in a conversation about the relationship is so important to choose your words and check whether they have been understood.Do not hesitate to ask again, if you do not understand something, ask questions or to make sure that you understand.By the way, the questions must be open, that is, containing no response and "tips".Do not rush to stun the interlocutor speech on their own expectations and aspirations, and to ask whether he agrees with you or not.Strive to build a constructive dialogue.
also important, where, when and under what circumstances will be a conversation.Choose this neutral territory - for example, a secluded alley park, coffee shop, where few visitors.Important, serious conversation should not be delayed for a later time - in the evening we thoroughly tired, and just are not discussing important topics.Also, do not start talking about the relationship after the stress How to beat stress?Create an oasis - exam, job interview, an important business meeting.